It’s finally the big showdown between Vicki and Tamra, and not surprisingly, it’s another big letdown. It’s just more of the same–Vicki whimpering for Tamra to stop hurting her and Tamra reminding Vicki that she spread rumors about Eddie being gay. Tamra wonders why Vicki thinks she would marry a gay man, and Vicki posits that maybe Eddie used Tamra to get the empty gym that sits in the middle of a nondescript industrial park in Random Suburb, USA.
Tamra’s incredulity that Vicki would suggest such a thing leads to an epiphany: Vicki does not deserve her friendship. With that, Tamra walks out, leaving Vicki to fiddle with her phone and pretend she has something important to do. Please let that be the end of this non-storyline.
Ugh. Peggy and Diko are meeting for dinner to celebrate their 22nd wedding anniversary and congratulate themselves for doing so well in life. Things were so different 22 years ago! They were young and just starting out in life–look how far they’ve come! They reminisce about their humble beginnings–like their first Valentine’s Day together when Diko bought Peggy a $200,000-plus Bentley. How fucking obnoxious. How tasteless. How nouveau riche. Diko can’t just say he bought Peggy a Bentley (was that Bentley like the one Slade “bought” for Gretchen–you know, the one he leased and that had to be returned to the dealership the next day because they couldn’t afford the payments?), he has to let us know that it cost more than the house they lived in at the time. And then he has to tell us how much that house was worth, in case we didn’t know that Bentleys are really, really, expensive cars. These two are insufferable. Ordering a bottle of Jordan Cabernet during this staged and vulgar scene is the only thing they’ve ever done right in their entire repugnant lives.
Kelly’s dad is in town, and watching her divorced parents argue makes Kelly worry that she and Michael are creating a similarly tense environment for their daughter, Jolie. I wonder if the editors recut the post-Dodd-divorce-announcement episodes to make the most out of this storyline. God knows this show needs one. After the tediousness of Peggy and Diko shoving how rich they’ve always pretended to be down our throats, it’s refreshing to see Kelly unabashedly gush about her middle-class upbringing. She’s proud that her dad came to all her volleyball and cheerleading events, and paid for her Catholic school and Arizona State tuition. Kelly may have her problems, but she is endearing and relatable when she shares memories like this. Take notes, Peggy and Diko: your fixation on dropping names and prices is neither endearing nor relatable. Plus it’s 100% phony. Kelly Dodd doesn’t have a phony bone in her body, which is why she’s back for (and kind of winning) a second season and Peggy will be a one-and-done.
Now that Lydia’s grandfather has died and left her parents Paris Hilton-level riches, she and her mother are conspicuously consuming everything in sight. The only point of this scene is to allow Lydia to brag about how wealthy her family is. Again, not endearing and not relatable.
Everyone is on their way to Peggy and Diko’s Armenian-themed anniversary party. Did you know Peggy is Armenian? She thinks no one can resist her son Koko (they can) so she bribes him to get “Aunt” Vicki–really?–to kiss one of his cheeks while Tamra kisses the other. Her initial offer of $100 is not enough for Koko, so in true Salahian style, he shakes his mother down for $1,000. Peggy is either the last person to know about the final breakdown of Tamra and Vicki’s relationship, or the sole purpose of this scene is for Peggy to demonstrate that she and Diko have so much disposable income they can casually throw a ten-year-old a thousand dollars on a lark. Oh, right. It’s the latter.
Aside from this bit of nonsense, at least we don’t have to endure another party where everyone is speculating about Vicki and Tamra or trying to get them together. We do have to endure more Peggy and Diko, however, and I don’t know which is worse. Yes I do–it’s Peggy and Diko, hands down.
Is Vicki really whining about her friendship troubles and seeking validation from ten-year-old Koko? Yes. Yes, she is and all I can do is shake my head. The woman has no shame, no boundaries, and no self-respect.
Except for the hookahs and belly dancer, this party is pretty much like every other OC party. Of course Diko has to tell everyone that last year he bought two Lamborghinis to commemorate his and Peggy’s anniversary, and this year he’s purchased matching Audemars Piguet (whatever that is) watches. He can’t just say he bought a couple of cars or simply present Peggy with the watch–he has to drop names so everyone will be sure to know how much money he spent. Vulgar, thy name is Diko. He then goes one step further by gifting Peggy with a diamond necklace–and not just any old diamond necklace–a TWENTY-TWO CARAT diamond necklace. For 22 years of marriage, get it? Meghan is annoyed with how ostentatious Peggy and Diko are, but jealous over the necklace. Don’t worry Meghan–it’s just on loan for the evening and will be returned to the jeweler after it has served its only purpose, which is to impress all the party guests.
The party ends with Diko taking Shannon aside to express his discomfort over David’s questioning him about Peggy’s cancer. Again, when you say, “Hi, I’m Diko. My wife just had a double mastectomy” the minute you meet someone, you have no room to be offended when they ask about her health. Shannon of course overreacts, and everyone leaves.
A few other minor things probably happened during this episode, but I’m so bored with this show at this point that I just don’t care. Sorry.