In true 90 Day Fiance Happily Ever After fashion the first ten minutes of the tell all special are wasted with flashbacks we’ve seen a hundred times before and fake drama. The producers clutch their pearls because they can’t contact Jorge and Anfisa. Will they show? Of course they will, because TLC has already shown promos for the episode that include clips of Jorge and Anfisa. Mohamed’s not on set–oh no, will he show? Of course he will, because TLC has already shown promos for the episode that include clips of Mohamed. How stupid does TLC think its audience is?

The host, whoever she is, is awful. She starts things off by asking Jorge about the status of his and Anfisa’s relationship. After a dramatic producer-inserted pause, he says that it’s over. We already knew that, and this is what bugs me so much about this show. The host asks a question, a pause is edited in so we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats waiting to hear the response, and when it comes it’s something we already know from the previous episode. When will TLC figure out that this type of ham-handed manipulation doesn’t create anticipation, it insults the viewers?

Anyway, the host points out that Jorge and Anfisa are staying in the same hotel room (which we know, because we just saw it a couple of minutes ago, so–redundant) and asks why, since they’re no longer together. Jorge responds that he had to pretend that things were fine between them in order to trick Anfisa into participating. The host pretends not to understand what he’s saying, so Anfisa breaks it down: Jorge knew that if Anfisa suspected he was going to call her out during the tell all special she wouldn’t have come, so he acted like everything was fine between them. It’s not that difficult. If Anfisa, who is not a native English speaker, can figure out what Jorge is saying, why can’t this host? I assume she’s some sort of communications professional since she’s hosting this reunion, but so far she’s not very adept at communicating.

She asks Anfisa if she thought the relationship with Jorge was improving. Why would she ask that when Jorge just said the relationship is over? Anfisa doesn’t know about that, she just thinks Jorge likes to play the victim. She might not be the nicest person, but at least she’s been honest about her intentions from the beginning. Amen to that, Anfisa! She feels that Jorge knew what to expect from her, but when she got to the US she discovered that Jorge was not who he was pretending to be. Loren is screwing her face into all kinds of wtf expressions as Anfisa talks, so I assume she’s waiting for an opportunity to lay into her. I don’t know why, because love Anfisa or hate her, she has never once misrepresented herself or tried to downplay her psychotic tendencies. Which is why she makes great TV.

Jorge is either getting a divorce or an annulment, but he hasn’t begun the process for either. The host asks what the basis for an annulment would be, and he says, “a sham marriage.” Instead of pursuing this line of questioning with Jorge, she cuts him off and turns to Danielle. Incredibly, she asks Danielle why she wanted to get her marriage to Mohamed annulled instead of divorcing him. Um, hello? DANIELLE EXPLAINED THIS VERY THING ON EVERY SINGLE EPISODE THIS SEASON. EVERY SINGLE EPISODE! WHY do we have to go over it AGAIN?

Hearing Jorge and Anfisa’s story makes Danielle sad. She thinks people don’t realize how much time, energy and money it takes for an American to bring someone over on a K-1 Visa. Jorge agrees. Mohamed hates it when Americans bring up how much they’ve done for “them,” meaning their foreign spouses, because he feels like the spouses are being objectified. He resents the attitude that coming to the US is a blessing. Well, isn’t it? Mohamed spent the entire season trying to avoid getting sent back to Tunisia.

Paola shuts him down by saying they all wanted to come to the US and experience the American dream. Alexei has empathy for Anfisa and Mohamed, but not much. He doesn’t think either of them came to the US for the right reasons, but Jorge and Danielle also had an agenda, so it is what it is. I love cool-headed, reasonable Alexei. What a contrast to Jorge, who displays ugly American arrogance when he says bringing Anfisa to the US was a blessing for her, because what did she have in Russia? Well–a home, a family, friends, a way of life. Nothing big.

Anfisa admits she is materialistic and that she thought Jorge was going to provide her with a certain lifestyle. Paola asks if she made that clear to Jorge. Yes Paola, I think Anfisa was being quite clear when she told Jorge she was with him because he could buy her things and would leave him if he became incapacitated and could no longer work. Loren asks Anfisa why she doesn’t get a job and Anfisa said Jorge told her he didn’t want his wife to work. Since we’ve seen Jorge talk to her about getting a job several times this season, as in, “when you get your green card you can get a job,” that wasn’t the best move.

Loren asks what Anfisa would do if she had a choice between Jorge and a wealthier man, and Anfisa answers that it would depend on how the wealthier man treats her. Loren calls her a bitch and a gold digger and says Jorge treated her like a princess. Except for the constant lying. Loren yells that Anfisa and Mohamed make the K-1 Visa process look like a joke, but Anfisa asks why she doesn’t blame the Americans? They’re the ones who initiate the process, after all.

Loren is angry that she and Alexei, who are legitimately in love, got denied for a K-1 Visa twice, and because when people like Mohamed and Anfisa abuse the process it makes it harder for real couples to be approved. They go to break and show some pointless behind the scenes footage wherein Loren tries to reason with Mohamed, followed by a montage of the high points of the couples’ marriages. Not surprisingly, the montage does not include any scenes of Danielle and Mohamed’s marriage.

Moving along, how did Pedro know Chantel was the one when he didn’t speak any English when they met? Chantel was learning Spanish at the time, and Pedro used a lot of hand gestures to express himself, so they got by. Paola says it doesn’t matter if there’s a language barrier–if two people have a connection, they know it. I strongly disagree. But I disagree with most things about Paola, so that’s no surprise.

The host randomly cuts off this conversation and asks Mohamed about his marriage to Danielle. He says he learned the hard way, but next time he’ll get to know a person before he gets too involved. Danielle thinks it’s sad that the other couples were willing to stick with each other through the bad times when Mohamed wasn’t. That’s because Danielle and Mohamed only had bad times. Can we be done with these two already? Paola asks why, if Danielle says she’s moved on, does she still stalk Mohamed on social media?

We don’t get an answer, because the host cuts off that conversation as well, and asks Mohamed how his and Danielle’s relationship came about. He explains that it built slowly during a time when he was living outside his country and very lonely, and he learned to appreciate talking to Danielle every night because she made him feel like someone cared about him.

Conversely, Jorge fell in love with Anfisa because of her looks. That is the one and only reason he can give for marrying this girl, so he deserves what he got. Anfisa liked that Jorge was nice and treated her well. She thinks he’s trying to save face after looking like a chump for two years, which is why he is now saying the marriage was a mistake. Jorge tells the host during a break that she only knows half the story, hinting that he has some explosive information to reveal about Anfisa. Like everything else on this show, it’s probably a buildup to nothing. Or something we’ve already seen a thousand times.

Now it’s time to rehash the Loren/Alexei Tourette’s storyline. Loren has Tourette’s. It’s hereditary. Alexei was upset when she told him. Now they’re fine. Except Loren is worried that her children will resent her if they have Tourette’s, because it will be “her fault.” Chantel totally gets it. She would never want to bring a life with some terrible disease into the world. Chantel needs to work on her delivery.

The host thinks it was “powerful” when Loren asked Alexei if it would be so bad if their children turned out like her. The host is a moron. That statement was not powerful. Manipulative, yes. Immature, yes. Bitter, yes. Powerful, no. Loren whines about how hard the preceding segment was for her as they go to break.

And it’s on to Russ and Paola and lingerie-gate. Russ makes snide comments as they show clips of Paola filming her video. There is nothing here we haven’t heard before. Russ feels it’s inappropriate for his wife to wear lingerie in front of other men. Paola doesn’t see anything wrong with it and didn’t want to jeopardize her video gig by refusing to wear it. Russ is oil. Paola is water. They have the same fight they had on the previous episode, the one before that, and the one before that, then Paola walks off the set, wondering why she is even married to Russ. Why indeed, Paola?