Pedro and Chantel

It’s the day of the wedding, and no one is excited about it. While Chantel is getting her makeup done, her friend GeGe asks how the conversation with Pedro’s mother and sister went. Chantel doesn’t want to give anyone a reason to have even more reservations about her marriage, so she downplays the low-rent puta fest it devolved into. The bottom line is that Chantel knows where she stands with Pedro since he refused to take her side even once against his mother and sister, yet she’s preparing to walk down the aisle anyway.

Pedro’s family visit him in his room before the wedding. The sister is wearing white. Does she know it’s considered a faux pas (at least to stupid Americans) to wear white to someone else’s wedding? Maybe this is another strange Dominican custom that the Family Chantel will have to accept, or maybe it’s just another way for the sister to get under Chantel’s skin. Given the sister’s odious behavior during this visit, it’s probably the latter. After all the drama they’ve caused between Chantel and Pedro, the mother and sister get choked up when they see him in his wedding finery, and it’s nice to see them behave as if they are more evolved than the common hyena for once.

Chantel’s mother, sister and best friend help her get into her wedding dress, and Chantel waxes enthusiastic about how she’s finally getting the wedding she wanted. Like many young girls (and Katie Maloney), Chantel wants this wedding primarily so she can get her hair done, wear a pretty dress and be princess for a day. It will turn out to be a waste of money when the issues she and Pedro have swept under the rug return to break them up in a few months. Chantel’s mother warns that if Pedro’s mother and sister cause drama today, she will, like any Mama Bear, protect her cub with her claws, teeth and life. Who’s being dramatic now?

The wedding is about to begin, and Chantel’s parents present Pedro’s grandmother with some flowers to apologize for their behavior at her house. She graciously accepts the gift, and it looks like the families may be able to get along despite all the drama. Pedro is still worried that Chantel won’t show, but of course she does. They exchange vows that address some of the issues they’ve been dealing with. Pedro tells her she comes first, and she tells him her life is better with him in it. A good time is had by all at the reception, and Pedro’s awful mother and sister even hug Chantel. Pedro and Chantel acknowledge that their families may not always get along, but need to accept that Pedro and Chantel have chosen to be together and love each other. The end.

Russ and Paola

Paola is finishing up her video shoot and yammering about how Russ is not going to be happy that she wore lingerie. We know–we’ve heard the same thing ad nauseum for at least three episodes now. We’ve heard it from Russ, we’ve heard it from Paola, we’ve heard it from the creatures in the forest. Paola prepares to call him and break the news, and when she does, guess what? Russ is not happy. Enough of this. Russ married a thirsty famewhore whose culture is the polar opposite of Russ’ uptight Midwestern upbringing. Either he accepts the fact that his wife is a thirsty famewhore and sucks it up, or he moves on. One of them needs to get off the treadmill, because they have become tedious.

Pao returns to Miami and explains how excited she is about her music video and that she wishes Russ could be proud of her. Instead, she is greeted by his cold disapproval. They have yet another futile argument about the boundaries Russ is trying to impose on Pao, but she is over it. She doesn’t feel like she’s doing anything wrong and she’s tired of Russ making her feel like she is. She loves him but doesn’t think she should have to change who she is to make her marriage work. Brava, Paola! Finally one of these two is admitting to themselves that they are horribly mismatched and might be happier if they go their separate ways. Which they will.

Danielle and Mohamed

Danielle and Mohamed FINALLY attend their annulment hearing. Danielle emerges from the courthouse crying, because she’s a pathetic sap who cannot muster a shred of dignity to save her life. The judge told her she is unlikely to prevail if she pushes for an annulment, so her attorney advised her to settle for a divorce. Danielle is upset because now it will be more difficult to get Mohamed deported, and she feels cheated that she wasn’t able to prove to the world that Mohamed used her for a green card. Danielle–trust me when I say that the world already knows.

Danielle decides she needs to give Mohamed a piece of her mind, one last time–again–and walks purposefully over to his car. She lets him have it by timidly suggesting they should meet before he flees to Miami. You go, girl!

Danielle gets upset once again when her friend Beth discovers that Mohamed announced the divorce on Facebook. She thinks he should have given her time to let her family know she opted for a divorce instead of an annulment so they wouldn’t have to find out on social media. Why would Danielle’s kids follow Mohamed on social media? They hate him. When Danielle breaks it to them, they’re fine with it–they are not fine, however, with Danielle’s plan to meet Mohamed later that day. How did a train wreck like Danielle raise such seemingly reasonable and mature young women? They must have spent a lot of time with their fathers.

There is one more Danielle/Mohamed scene to endure. Please let it be the last–their story is so over. Danielle wants to show Mohamed that she’s over him (as if), but ends up haranguing him over the same things she’s been haranguing him about for two years. Danielle just cannot get it together and I am beyond over it. Bye, Danielle. I hope you are never on my TV again.

Jorge and Anfisa

Jorge is going to meet Anfisa in hopes of getting back together. He is so worried about the potential volatility of the meeting that he plans to meet her in the parking garage next to their apartment building. What girl wouldn’t swoon over such a romantic gesture? Anfisa explains that Jorge needs to apologize for not standing up for her to his sister, but Jorge doesn’t get it. He apologizes, but when she asks him to be more specific, he says he’s apologizing for whatever caused them to fight. Anfisa’s had enough of his lying and his unwillingness to take responsibility for hurting her, so she’s done. You know it’s serious when she refuses to even open the gift he brought her.

Jorge is so blandly inarticulate, and Anfisa is so uncharacteristically calm, that I think this meeting was contrived by production to put a neat little pin in Jorge and Anfisa’s relationship. Whatever the circumstances, good riddance to a bad marriage, and good luck to Anfisa in her search for her next sugar daddy. Or pimp.

Next week: the reunion. I really hope Russ and Pao have gone their separate ways, but other than that, I don’t care. Jorge and Anfisa have split up like they should have, Loren and Alexei are happy, Chantel and Pedro had their wedding, so there shouldn’t be that much to reveal. And nobody needs to hear anything more about Danielle and Mohamed, ever again.